we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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