Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
