Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
