I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
