The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i believe in u and ur pee
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
