I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
