This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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