I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
