handjob tips. give me some.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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