Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
