i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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