Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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