last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
