i don't like sucking hair
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
