we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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