I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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