Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
