Got a toothbrush?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
