My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
