she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
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this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
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Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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