So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
