ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
