____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
