All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
