it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
