Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
