you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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