you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
