I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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