wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
