I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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