Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
