me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
