How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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