You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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