I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
