it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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