I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
