I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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