yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
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I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize