Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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