My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
