I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
