Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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