If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
