For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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