My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
