Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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