I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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