Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
