You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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