I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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