dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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