I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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