chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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