i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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