I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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