season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
NoShamevember. You game?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
