You can't motorboat a personality
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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