So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Randomize
