Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
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i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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