Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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