oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
