Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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