did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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